Alright, so I've been working up the courage to post on here for a few days now. It's not really just on this blog, as much as it is on a blog in general. Writing makes me nervous. Ask me to do some math, or science, or choreograph a 4 minute dance.... NO PROBLEM! But, to write... I'd rather let a billion spiders chase me around the house. And, if you know me at all, you know that I HATE spiders! However, I like the idea of this blog, so I'm going to give it my best shot. Here goes...
I never had a "weight problem" as a kid, or as a teenager, in fact I never even really cared, or gave much thought to what I was eating. It wasn't until I started dating my husband that I started to put weight on. Then, of course, having four babies didn't help matters much either. But, here's the thing, the reason I put all of the weight on was nobody's fault but my own. I ate the food. I rationalized "eating for two". I lived in denial. etc etc. Whatever the excuse was, or reason, I probably used it. I have also lost weight, quite successfully, a few times over the years only to end up putting it back on again a few months later. It's been extremely frustrating, and upsetting. Right now, I'm back up, trying to lose, again.
This time.... IT WILL BE DIFFERENT!
This time.... I WILL KEEP IT OFF!
Alright, I'm sorry for yelling at you just then. I wasn't really yelling at you so much, as myself in an attempt to hammer it in to my head. What's different this time, I think, is that I have realized that it's not just a "diet" until I reach my goal weight. It's a lifestyle, eating habits, change that has to happen for the rest of my life, and I'm ok with that. In fact, I am desperate for it. I want to be healthier, and set a better example for my awesome kids; not to mention my students at the dance studio. I too want to be the person God intended me to be. (Thanks for posting that Jon, it really hit home with me).
So, where am I at right now? I started changing my eating habits, and lifestyle on Sunday, and so far things have been going very well... Until last night.... I was at the studio teaching, working hard, when a few of my friends / fellow teachers decided to go to Menchie's (the frozen yogurt place) before our teacher class. I was in the middle of class when they went, and I didn't know they were going. When they got back they presented me, rather proudly, with a frozen yogurt treat they had very carefully concocted for me. They explained to me that they debated exactly what I would like on my frozen yogurt, and hoped they got it right. I was now in a predicament. I only had approximately 100 calories left for my daily intake, so eating it would definitely put me over that, but if I said no, I would hurt their feelings. I decided the best thing to do was to eat it, and I did. BUT, the instant I finished eating it I was overwhelmed with guilt. I felt awful! I felt like I had let myself down, and was disgusted with myself. I also felt sick to my stomach immediately afterwards. Today, I feel less guilty about the decision I made to eat it, but still, I would love to have not eaten it. Is there a better way to handle a situation like this? Or do I just need to figure out a way to not feel guilty? To just eat it and be ok with it, because in the grand scheme of the weightless journey it's one frozen yogurt? Or should I have said no to my friends, and risked hurting their feelings? BTW... thank you Derek for your post about failing. This helped me out a lot after I was consumed by guilt. I did realize that there was no point in wallowing in self pity, or sitting on the studio floor eating whatever I could find (which did cross my mind very briefly). I just finished the night off went home and carried on. I had three glasses of water when I got home, watched The Big Bang Theory, laughed probably a good 5 pounds off, and went to bed. Today is a new day, and I'm feeling great, and I'm carrying on! GO ME!
OK, thanks for listening...
Jen
:D
Thank you for sharing, Jen. Now the billion spiders I hid in the cupboard won't scare you so much tonight. I think that change in mindset is important. Focusing more on changing a bad habit to a good one is easier to do when you want it to be a permanent change rather than just to reach a specific goal. Keep on striving to be who you want to be.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on posting! I would suggest telling folks about your new resolution. If you tell people that you're going to focus on eating better and that you'd appreciate help in staying on track, I think you'll find most will be pretty cool about it. There'll be the occasional jerk who insists on tempting you or teasing you - but them being a jerk makes it easier to Just Say No. The rest of the folks will likely be content to not buy you frozen yogurt or things like that. By the same token, don't expect them to change their habit just cuz you are. Nobody likes a spoilsport. If everyone's going out for dessert, by all means go with them - but get a bottle of water and just enjoy the company. You'll be super tempted, but you'll feel like a million bucks walking out of there without having consumed the calories!!
ReplyDeleteStay strong!!
Hey Jen
ReplyDeleteLoved your writing! I agree with the above comment. Just let people at work know. That will probably help you be more committed too. And don't be so guilted out about one little incident. I think you did the right thing taking it under the circumstances.
Dave
Thanks everyone! And by everyone I mean Dad and Derek. Jon, seriously? A billion spiders in the cupboards? Not cool man, not cool... ;)
ReplyDeleteI usually don't like telling my friends that I'm trying to eat better, because I worry about failing and incurring their judgement. I know that probably just sets me up to fail, but I feel the pressure big time once I tell people. I think you guys are right though, I need to tell them so it doesn't happen all the time. I will do that asap. Thanks for the encouragement! :D